Recovering Process

The crazy week has ended me fully exhausted drugged up on drugs to try and boost me up again and since I am incapable of doing anything else except phase in and out of my delirious state, I was thinking of office work.

I read somewhere before that “When complexity mounts and eventually becomes unmanageable, it’s time for action”. It reminded of Business Process Reengineering (the 3 day course I took at ISS, NUS). Have to say it was very very beneficial on my part because I get to learn so much more and a way to tackle my situation at work.

What is it that needs to be done that will allow quantum leap in consideration of cost, quality and time? I need one right now… a quantum leap of faith for dramatic improvements achieving my strategic goals in life.

I Don’t Think I Can Sit Here…

They say take time out and all troubles seem to flow out of you. And as I thought maybe I could try that, I feel restless and pick my bags up to move again. I am not comfortable with the situation. They say it’s because of my bad experiences I had in the past that makes me a pessimist… but I don’t believe that is the case. Maybe it’s the time that lapses that makes me reflect all the things that I left in that box in the far away land that I have tried to keep closed. They say that if I believe and let it all go that it will just go away… but somehow it hasn’t happened (Some meditation practice that I use to do). Maybe that is why I gave up putting things in that box after I turned 20.

Funny how looking through a camera seem so different. You see the people and then you tell them to smile. Are souls taken everytime you click on that button? Do you get to see the aura that surrounds the young. Do you get to see the things that I see that linger in the dark? Sometimes in daylight they follow one feeding on them as if the energy is being sucked into a bottle. Would we be more conservative if we knew what these things truly are?

I need something to distract my mind… all this analysing will drive me insane.

Quote Them!

“There is nothing more difficult to carry out, nor more doubtful of success, nor more dangerous to handle than to initiate a new order of things.

For the reformer has enemies in all those who profit by the old order, but only lukewarm defenders in those who could profit by the new order.

This lukewarmness arises from the incredulity of mankind who do not truly believe in anything new until they have actual experience with it.”

- Niccolo Machiavelli

Crazy Week

Unlike the dead I wander in the day. Like the dead I haunt the living. It’s been a crazy weekend (last weekend) spending the Saturday with a girl I like and to find out that it doesn’t really mean anything. I guess if you asked me what I was expecting… I really wasn’t expecting anything just was hoping she would feel the warmth I could give her if she spent time with me. Could you be in a relationship whereby you were just to accompany someone else but at the end of the day you were nothing more than that? I can’t… The thought of being used just feels so horribly wrong.

The week continued on to be as better as expected. Wednesday to Friday was the 3 day course I signed up for. Everything relevant to what I needed to know in starting “change” with Logistics Operations Side. Met a diverse background of people. Felt rather stupid in their presence but I learnt quite a bit about what they do for a living. The Perth girls were in town and I spent time with them although I have to admit it was really tiring running around from the West side to the Central and end up again at the West side at the end of the night. Which could explain why I am so sick at the moment… but it was really great to see the girls. Had an awesome time with them on the flyer. But J and A weren’t there… but it was still great.

Then the weekdays ended with Friday night starting of the Beijing 2008 Olympics and Saturday is/was Singapore’s Birthday (National Celebration at Marina Bay). So I will leave you with what I saw from E’s message on msn for the Beijing video clip.

Confirmed

This time round I stuck around long enough to be confirmed at my current job position. Just that I felt that this week was hard for me to focus myself. Luckily a mini project cropped up today just before lunch so I can attempt to complete it tomorrow as well. Doing the dormitory headcount has gotten me really irritated which could explain why I have been leaving work early to go jogging every evening. It’s not rocket science… it’s paper work and it makes your eyes go funny because there are hundreds of data to be looking at.

The past few days were hot… the evenings were great because of the windy breeze.

The girls are in town again. They really know how to put me in my comfort zone except the fact we ended up at Soeul Gardens and smelling like the food. After dinner we were still smelling the food since the smell lingered all over our clothes and hair.

It’s the beginning of August… how time flies…

Funny… Must there be Something More?

Why must people assume that there is something more than “Hi how are you doing?”… it’s sad that today an old friend, tutor would think I had an alternate motive in saying these very words. Now I understand why they say that “true friends” are the ones that you never speak to in ages and then you still click like never before once you see them again. Oh wells… I guess… some people have doubts. What a cruel world we live in.

It’s Out There

Over there and there and there you will find “it” *waves my hands around and grinz*.

There are times in one’s life where everything feels like a dream or a nightmare or just plain unfair and then everything feels like there was no point to it anymore. There is no ending to one’s life’s adventures. As fast as things turned sour, it can be changed to good. All depends on which side you decide to look at the picture.

Then there’s the thought… if you asked the right questions in life maybe you could start off your day better? But in life there is no right or wrong answer. What may be so wrong for one person may be the success story of another person. You don’t know… it’s a gamble in life that one takes whether you like to or not.

What is exactly out there for us? Some wishing their lives would be better. Some taking things for granted. I believe there’s something out there for everybody floating in the sky in pieces of our life in the form of a jig saw puzzle… somewhere… But for now, I don’t mind having just that piece of chocolate cake in the fridge.

This is Who I Am…

This is who I am… I know if I don’t try I won’t be disappointed… Maybe I just don’t love myself or have faith in someone out there in liking me. I am far from perfect and I am everything that is wrong.

I don’t like to be hassled. I don’t like people walking in my space. Sometimes I just can’t stand unarranged items in a disorderly manner. Most of all I don’t like having to answer my phone if it is someone I dislike thus I don’t answer it.

I say things the way it is. If I ain’t happy I will show it. If I am confused I ain’t acting it. I live my life in my own small bubble. This is who I am… I make things more complex that it needs to me. I over analyse situations and end up being too scared to try. I consider all the risks in doing tasks that I may end up doing nothing.

I have an obsessive behaviour characteristic and I often scare myself with it. I find it difficult in comprehending simple tasks and tend to complicate matters. I find myself a stubborn person and it takes me longer to reach a place compared to others. How honest can you be with yourself?

What is This Sickness Called?

What sickness is it called when someone is too lazy to switch off the television when they aren’t watching it and what about those that finish their drink and leave it on the table so others would clean up after them. It’s annoying. I can’t stand people like that. I can’t stand the fact she borrows something and doesn’t put it back in the original place especially when she doesn’t ask and it’s not hers. They are like over 30 years old… you would think they can be more responsible right? Urgh totally annoyed.

Declaration

As a undergraduate student programmer to a blue collared worker trying to write an asp.net using c# for an automated online booking system for the logistics department, I need to declare something and throw it out there - The coding is never completely all me. Object orientation design allows reusing of code so by right I am reusing someone’s code that worked on some other system which works with my system! But that doesn’t totally mean that I need to copy the entire code. It’s like art… you cut and paste some of the pieces of the code and rename the variables to make it applicable to your own application. Is that not what programming is? I was googling (searching using http://www.google.com) about the topic of trying to redirect an asp.net page without using javascript and I came across an interesting blog owned and written by Anders Noras. Please excuse my stupidity in not knowing how to put the accents on the letters of the a to spell his name correctly. Quite an interesting read if you are in software design and like to read some of his work. The web link can be found on the right hand side … should be a whole section for computing soon if I haven’t gotten around doing it just yet :D. Those that don’t want to look through the mass … well then here is the website: http://andersnoras.com/blogs/anoras/